I've been thinking about all the big things lately: Life, death, love and fear. I've also been thinking about crossroads about first(s) and last(s). Last weekend I painted but not very much, I also hosted our extended family Christmas on Saturday. No family holiday is without drama. I used to think that it was only my family who had this much drama. Funny right, so naive. I just wish everyone well and hope we can become stronger as a family.
Last week Sunday I spent the morning at Mom and Jeannie's church with Jeannie. Had a good cry with Jeannie, we both cried through the entire service. To the point that we were laughing because we were crying so much. Dan and I have committed to spending one Sunday a month with Jeannie and Emmanuel United Church of Christ.
This past week, I've had my last Executive Committee Mtg, and now my last holiday at the BBB (Today MLK, Jr. Day). In two weeks will be my last BBB Board of Directors meeting. Tomorrow I start to train my replacement. Another first.
The older I get the more I realize life is so short and precious. You can't survive 19 surgeries and see cancer survivors around you every day and not feel the preciousness of life.
Today (NO Everyday) is the first day of the rest of my life. These firsts and lasts are what tend to make me panic and monumentalize my life. Its times like this that I try to think of others who ran into struggles and would say "SO WHAT?". I also think of a saying I refer back to my Mom, but don't really know if it's true. The saying is "You can do a lot of things in life, you just can't do them all at once."
When the fear becomes too much… I just try to get brave and do it anyways, then try to help another person move forward in life. Get outside my head and into the grace of life.